[He's not going to fall over this time, he's got enough grace for that. He's about to reprimand whoever he encounters before 1. realizing it was his fault and 2. it's Rika, who has always been pretty sweet to him so he likes her well enough.]
Er, sorry. [Looks down at her with a raised eyebrow.] That's a spooky expression, bit, you alright?
[ it wasn't his fault but that's very kind of him to accept blame. rika's expression changes to a smile, like a switch flipped - but it's a little bit strained. ]
I'm just being careful of all the shards laying around. It's very dangerous.
Well. That was a lot. Spike's rubbing his head by the time they surface out of the shared memory space, and he's just staring at her, surprised. He has a lot of thoughts on what he saw, but first he just needs to get his bearings because he feels at once like no time has passed at all while he watched and also that it's been years of pain and fighting and violence, with an interim of simmering resentment.
Love. That's what love is.]
Jesus fucking christ, bit. You and your girl know how to pack a punch, huh?
[ rika has not enjoyed a single one of her memory shares, but this one was worse than the others. because she's already been through others - and the conversations that follow - she's not as intent on clinging to her childish act.
[He just smiles and takes a seat on a doorstep nearby.]
Wondered about the dying thing on your profile. Seems like you've been through a lot, huh. Goes without saying that I'll take this to my grave, yeah? Your secret's safe with me, bit.
You don't got to tell me the full context behind you and your girl, but I'm interested. Even just based on what I saw – Which, bearing in mind, was a lot – I have a bit of advice if you want it.
Thanks to this place, you're not the only one carrying that secret. But thank you.
[ she appreciates it, even if it's deeply annoying that the situation has arisen at all. as for the rest of that - hm. also annoying. not him. satoko. ]
... I'm not the one who needs the advice.
[ but she does pause expectantly, ready to hear him out anyway. ]
Well, you're both lovesick as anything, so I'd say you both need the advice. Hers just seems to have spun out of control. Does she know you're in love with her too?
'Cuz, I can see how from her perspective she may feel like she's just an accessory that you can carry with you into your new life. I don't know the situation entirely, but I can gather that much just from what she's saying, both verbally and in her violent rage.
[They'll probably make it though. It's only natural to hurt the ones you love. In fact, in terms of intimate acts, murder and torture are two of the highest. He misses Drusilla.]
[ she should probably have more to say about all of that. like an answer to the question? or even doubling down that it isn't her job to babysit satoko everywhere they go just because she couldn't adapt.
I know these things, bit. [Skills: Psychological Insight. Of course, doesn't mention that that especially applies to matters of the heart. Or as he likes to call it, blood screaming at you to work it's will.
Of course, his perspective is more than a little fucked up, both due to being a soulless monster and just a hundred years of deeply co-dependent toxicity.]
Nobody but the one you love the most would make you as miserable as you and your girl make eachother. I'd know. But if you feel I'm lacking context, feel free to enlighten me.
How long have you two been children? Are you older than me? How many times did you give St Lucia a go before things turned to shit? What exactly is it that she's done to you?
[ the framing of it just doesn't seem fair to rika. as if their actions are in any way equivalent. not that spike would have much frame of reference, and he did ask... ]
I was trapped in a cycle of death, in June of 1983 for over a hundred years. After finally escaping, we entered St. Lucia together once before she pulled me back.
And she wanted you to stay with her, at... Hinamizawa, yeah? That's the town?
So both of you wanted the other to comply to your wishes, and change yourself and your desires to fit in with the others life. So, after doing it your way and, in her eyes, losing you to the "other girls", she got desperate and angry and tried to force you into doing it her way instead?
...I do want to clarify that she's definitely the one who needs the advice more. I ain't picking sides, and I'm a monster, so applying moral logic here would be fucking insane.
After she had me killed and tortured again and again, what "advice" is going to make that better?
[ this is half a genuine question, because rika is truly still trying to figure out how to feel about all of this herself... and half her being bitter. it's a very recent and very sore subject. ]
I got no advice about making amends. That's Angel's gig and he's shit at it.
But I'd tell her to use her words, for one. If she wants something she's never gonna get it unless she asks you straight and tells you how she feels about you. Beats the point of any kind of torture too and I say that as someone who's been on both ends of the "torturing someone you love" thing. 'Course, it's a bit different with vampires.
How do you want it to end, pet? A knife between her ribs? Her dead for good and out of your life forever? Her as a compliant little lapdog or housewife that'll follow commands without complaint? Things back to the way they were before? Or just a genuine apology?
There's no sense in reaching for an ending when you don't even know what ending you want.
just kidding, it's half true. when rika says that satoko is her 'best friend' what would be closer to the truth is that satoko is her 'pet.' she's cute, and has made rika happy, at her side, for 100 years - never knowing the truth. never as someone rika could engage with as her honest self.
so who wouldn't want to stab back against someone who hurt them? and who wouldn't want their pet to stay their pet? ]
[ rika's first thought is that she wouldn't be keeping things under a lid if someone hadn't abandoned her, but spike doesn't know who hanyuu is and she doesn't want to get into that. she's just mad in every direction. ]
We'll see.
I suppose I should thank you for your understanding.
Don't mention it, bit. I do hope you kids can make it work, whether that ends with you slashing her throat or driving off together into the sunset, I'm sure you'll figure it out.
[ because i'm the slowest, now this pc gets to be after the masquerade! wherever spike is, rika is just sidling over to him to chat, because why not? ]
... It's a little harder to take death seriously when the dead can write letters and attend events.
[He's within sight of the tavern, just sort of lurking outside against the wall of one of the buildings. He was smoking but he snuffs it out, it was already half finished anyway, and he doesn't know if Rika's going to hit him with the child act.
He chuckles at her remark.]
No shit, yeah.
I imagine it's probably gonna be something scary in the long term, but it's not really death, is it?
[ it's kind of hard to decide, really. who to act around. even people who know that she isn't a child - it's not like that makes them close enough to just be her honest self around all the time.
Yeah, from what I know, I guess seeing the world, or other worlds like that'd be something right up your alley.
[What would Rika look like without a soul.... He can't imagine it'd be pretty, considering how her cutesy childishness is all a front that'd completely fall by the wayside to reveal the darker parts. Hm.]
Depends on what you become, I guess. But I can't imagine it'll be good.
[ rika frowns. she doesn't love talking about people that way. even if he's not wrong. even if she hasn't formed bonds and the death of near-strangers means very little.
she's hypocritical, to be annoyed when someone else takes it lightly. ]
It's a comfort to see that it isn't an ordinary death, but this shouldn't be happening to any of them.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Week 2, Tuesday
... this means she just walks straight into spike instead. nailed it. ]
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Er, sorry. [Looks down at her with a raised eyebrow.] That's a spooky expression, bit, you alright?
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I'm just being careful of all the shards laying around. It's very dangerous.
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[Strained smile of his own.]
That's a neat trick, by the way, the rapidly rotating expressions. Good to be able to do that on the fly.
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[ she pretends to take that at face value! bernkastel, however, was not a fan of the comment, and her tail flicks in irritation. and. hits a shard.
amazing. ]
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Well. That was a lot. Spike's rubbing his head by the time they surface out of the shared memory space, and he's just staring at her, surprised. He has a lot of thoughts on what he saw, but first he just needs to get his bearings because he feels at once like no time has passed at all while he watched and also that it's been years of pain and fighting and violence, with an interim of simmering resentment.
Love. That's what love is.]
Jesus fucking christ, bit. You and your girl know how to pack a punch, huh?
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it probably wouldn't have helped anyway. ]
It was self defense, on my part.
[ i mean, s... sort of......? ]
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It was praise, girl, not a condemnation.
[He just smiles and takes a seat on a doorstep nearby.]
Wondered about the dying thing on your profile. Seems like you've been through a lot, huh. Goes without saying that I'll take this to my grave, yeah? Your secret's safe with me, bit.
You don't got to tell me the full context behind you and your girl, but I'm interested. Even just based on what I saw – Which, bearing in mind, was a lot – I have a bit of advice if you want it.
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[ she appreciates it, even if it's deeply annoying that the situation has arisen at all. as for the rest of that - hm. also annoying. not him. satoko. ]
... I'm not the one who needs the advice.
[ but she does pause expectantly, ready to hear him out anyway. ]
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'Cuz, I can see how from her perspective she may feel like she's just an accessory that you can carry with you into your new life. I don't know the situation entirely, but I can gather that much just from what she's saying, both verbally and in her violent rage.
[They'll probably make it though. It's only natural to hurt the ones you love. In fact, in terms of intimate acts, murder and torture are two of the highest. He misses Drusilla.]
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but all she really manages is to repeat: ]
Lovesick.
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Don't tell me you're going to deny it?
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You're presumptuous.
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Of course, his perspective is more than a little fucked up, both due to being a soulless monster and just a hundred years of deeply co-dependent toxicity.]
Nobody but the one you love the most would make you as miserable as you and your girl make eachother. I'd know. But if you feel I'm lacking context, feel free to enlighten me.
How long have you two been children? Are you older than me? How many times did you give St Lucia a go before things turned to shit? What exactly is it that she's done to you?
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I was trapped in a cycle of death, in June of 1983 for over a hundred years. After finally escaping, we entered St. Lucia together once before she pulled me back.
[ well. as far as rika knows, anyway. ]
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[He hums. That's certainly desperate.]
What happened at St Lucia?
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She didn't get along with our peers. She isolated herself and refused me when I reached out and tried to include her.
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[He has a feeling he knows the answer to this but, you know.]
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So both of you wanted the other to comply to your wishes, and change yourself and your desires to fit in with the others life. So, after doing it your way and, in her eyes, losing you to the "other girls", she got desperate and angry and tried to force you into doing it her way instead?
...I do want to clarify that she's definitely the one who needs the advice more. I ain't picking sides, and I'm a monster, so applying moral logic here would be fucking insane.
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Then what advice would you give her?
After she had me killed and tortured again and again, what "advice" is going to make that better?
[ this is half a genuine question, because rika is truly still trying to figure out how to feel about all of this herself... and half her being bitter. it's a very recent and very sore subject. ]
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But I'd tell her to use her words, for one. If she wants something she's never gonna get it unless she asks you straight and tells you how she feels about you. Beats the point of any kind of torture too and I say that as someone who's been on both ends of the "torturing someone you love" thing. 'Course, it's a bit different with vampires.
How do you want it to end, pet? A knife between her ribs? Her dead for good and out of your life forever? Her as a compliant little lapdog or housewife that'll follow commands without complaint? Things back to the way they were before? Or just a genuine apology?
There's no sense in reaching for an ending when you don't even know what ending you want.
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[ that's all talk.
just kidding, it's half true. when rika says that satoko is her 'best friend' what would be closer to the truth is that satoko is her 'pet.' she's cute, and has made rika happy, at her side, for 100 years - never knowing the truth. never as someone rika could engage with as her honest self.
so who wouldn't want to stab back against someone who hurt them? and who wouldn't want their pet to stay their pet? ]
... But I'm still considering the ending I want.
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Well, I'm here if you need someone to talk it through with.
Seems like you've been keeping things under a lid for quite a long time. It might help, whenever you're closer to coming to a decision.
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We'll see.
I suppose I should thank you for your understanding.
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[He's an ally!]
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[ rika no ]
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Week 4, Wednesday
... It's a little harder to take death seriously when the dead can write letters and attend events.
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He chuckles at her remark.]
No shit, yeah.
I imagine it's probably gonna be something scary in the long term, but it's not really death, is it?
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well, for now she's just going with the flow. ]
Something scary. Like some kind of afterlife?
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Being kept here, unable to pass on, turned into something else.
[He crosses his arms, amused.]
But that's just my guess. Maybe they'll all wind up being turned into vampires.
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[ 'here' is not so bad. except for the murders, which - well. they're already dead. ]
But becoming something else might be scary.
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[What would Rika look like without a soul.... He can't imagine it'd be pretty, considering how her cutesy childishness is all a front that'd completely fall by the wayside to reveal the darker parts. Hm.]
Depends on what you become, I guess. But I can't imagine it'll be good.
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[ although, again, a nebulous concept for a dead person. ]
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[There's no judgement in his tone, just idle curiosity.]
Transforming into something else to keep on living a different existence as long as possible?
...Still, I think whatever death here entails, it's serious enough to send Shamsiel into a depressive slump.
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[ hm. ]
I think you're right, though. Better to try and keep living.
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[He nods.]
Besides, with a few exceptions, I didn't have many thoughts on most of the people who died. Better to stick with the fun ones, honestly.
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she's hypocritical, to be annoyed when someone else takes it lightly. ]
It's a comfort to see that it isn't an ordinary death, but this shouldn't be happening to any of them.
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[Probably. There's still a limit to his empathy. He's been living on a diet of death and tragedy for nearly a hundred and fifty years now.]
It's a miserable carousel of wretched horrors, living and dead. I'm just not sure we know which is worse.
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If it were too bad, they would convey that to us when they could.
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I think the most likely option is that they just can't.